“I had only a little time left and I didn’t want to waste it on God.” Albert Camus

This quote was shared in twitter. It got me thinking.

I am not a religious person. I guess, declaring myself as a non-religious person has more to do with all the violence being done in the name of it. Could be a very surficial understanding but I am unable to go beyond that, as of yet.

Not being religious does not mean I am an atheist. I was raised to believe that there is some supernatural power beyond our realm. It is unfortunate that I have not been able to come out of that belief. I am ‘critical’ of it, here and there, but not trustworthy to call myself as a strong rationalist or ‘science person’.

There are possibilities of me being religious or an atheist, in the future. You never know. So, I am keeping my options open.

But, do I have enough time for this? Let’s say I have the life expectancy of 70. I am going to be 30 soon. So, when I turn these supposed years and passed years into days (25,550 – 10,950) the remaining days I have is 14,600. To make it closer for understanding; let’s convert these days into time which gives me 350,400 hours in total. Now, I sleep average of 7 hours a day which leaves me with lesser time – 248,200 hours. Doing daily humanly necessity stuffs will take at least 20% of it. That means I will have round about 200,000 hours. That is too less for all the things I want to do in my life.

I have to read THE books, read and re-read and re-re-read! Then, keep them in my personal library, safe from dust and insects. Share, if anyone would like to have a look or digest every words that is there to. Talk about all the highs and lows of the books with them. Get drunk on all the knowledge there is to.

I have to write about anything and everything. I have to write something on loving and being loved. I have to write on the sweaty romance, clumsy romance and gutsy romance. I have to write on loss, loneliness and sadness. The bravery, the courage and hope of the human hearts. And then, smell the piles and piles of freshly printed papers already piled on top of the yellowed ones with their own stories to tell.

I want to feel the heart beat fast when meeting the great, inspiring minds.

I am yet to feel the urgency of pining for oxygen in my body while climbing mountains. I want to know the feeling of drinking deep dark coffee with chocolate while on top of that mountain.

I have to introduce myself to all the woods, by woods, I mean trees. Definitely trees!* I want to know their secret of life-cycle.

I have to eat the foods that I farmed. The organic one!

I want to record the sounds of wind from all around the world and the space. I want to cross the purgatory and see the heaven, alive. I want to touch the sky, have long conversations with stars and date with moon, every night.

Most of all, I have to master the shamanism and bring peace to the world!

And, this is just the beginning. I have so many desires, aspirations and ambitions to fulfil in my life. How can mere 200,000 hours be enough? Seriously, when I have so short life with so much things that are yet to be done, whatever made you think I would waste it on God? Especially when everyone seems to be fighting over whose ‘imaginary friend’** is better than others.


  1. * Taylor Mali
  2. ** Yashir Araphat

August 21, 2015
Posted by Smita at 3:14 PM ,  Labels: blah blah, craziest thoughts, Day-by-Day

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