Knocking on Heaven’s Door !

When I had met her for the first time she had given me a bright smile with her introduction. Within minutes I had felt I knew her for years. She made me feel as comfortable as I am with myself. I thought I could talk about anything with her, share every dreams, every secrets, every smile and tears. That day she had walked into my heart and had made it her forever.

It seemed to me that she loved everything and almost everyone. Never complained about her life that was very simple when others observed. And, there was something about her that made her special. Special in a way that everyone loved her and appreciated her. Her sweet and all the time ready smile was something worth waiting for her arrival. That beautiful smile of hers was must for lots of people to have a beautiful day.

I had thought she must have never been touched by a wind that carries pain and tears as she was always jolly and always used to find something funny in everything to laugh about. But, if a person laugh, jokes and smiles all the time; it really doesn’t mean that the person is happy and doesn’t have any problems in life. I knew about it better on that day when I was roaming round SwayembhuNath. I was sitting on a little stone and trying to think about something good when I suddenly saw a familiar figure squatting near a tree which was near enough for me to see what was going on. I smiled when I realized it was her. But, I was surprised to find her so vulnerable. She seemed she was about to collapse. Her whole body seemed to be burning in pain. From where I sat I could see her tears rolling down her face. I could feel her pain right in my heart. I couldn’t go to her and console or ask her anything because something made me see that she wanted to be by herself. Must have been her body language. She let those precious tears fall from her eyes for about a hour. Then she stood up, touched a tree with her left hand and said something to it or was it for someone else, God, who knows. She stood there for long time till her tears stopped and dried. And then she left. I just sat there staring at the tree where she had stood there and cried for long time. It felt like though she had left her pain was still there. My heart became heavy and my sight blurred with tears so I left the place as soon as possible without looking back.

Next day she didn’t come to college. I had prepared myself to make her feel good and may be help in someway to lessen her pain. So, I waited for another day, another day and another day but she never came.

About a month later, I heard from friends that she was sick, nothing serious, no wounds, no disease, just sick then sometimes later I heard she had died. Died… how? Doctors never knew. They just knew she had nothing wrong with her body but still she died.

I know why…she was in pain, pain of loosing someone she loved more than anything in her life. I had seen it in her eyes. That pain could kill anyone. However, what she lost I also don’t know…could be her love or could be her identity, could be anything!